Everyday Stupidities

   As a guy, I love breasts. Big, small, perky, droopy, young, old (okay, not too old... I prefer good taste to good grandma), they're all welcome in my eyes. They're like snowflakes, no two are alike, even on the same body. But for the love of Jah, don't mess with them. I realize some people have to validate their worth to themselves, or invent worth in others' minds, by having them inflated to 55psi. My saying "you're great just the way you are" doesn't mean much to most people, I've noticed. (Bless those who do think my opinion is worthwhile. Don't ever change.) Fakes annoy the hell out of me, be they false personalities or exagerated chesticles... overly augmented boobs remind me of that thing people say about the bit of handkerchief sticking out of a guy's suit pocket, "is that for show or for blow?" Really, if you're uncomfortable about your body, talk to someone with the dimensions you seek – the ladies with small busts want big ones, the ladies with too big ones naturally wish they were smaller. And then there's the whole matter of attention; the ladies with smaller busts (no matter how much attention they get, whether they realize it or not) wish they had more attention, while the women with big ones wish they had less gawking at them. There is no truth to the statement "Clothes make the man, but bust makes the woman." None. And to clarify something, I don't disparage on anyone who gets a reduction for health reasons (big breasts lead to bent backs) or any form of mastectomy to fight cancer (my sainted grandmother being one)... it's the folks who add, not subtract, that get my goat. And even stupider than additive body modification is the guys who crave women who have turned the air hose on their girls. Yes, you're shallow. There are enough women with big tits, real ones, real looking ones, that there's no justifiable excuse to have a preference for rediculously large rock-hard things which bulge in ways & places nature never intended.
   Now of course, as a guy, I don't have to carry the darn things around, so I can love 'em all I want... they're like children, they're great when they're someone else's and I can give them back to their owners when I've had my fill. And like children, ladies, you should love yours for who they are – and as the person in the above-left is trying to say, dress them properly. Neatness counts, aesthetics matter. That leads a peeve of mine: the women with A-or-less who always wear bras despite having nothing to hold up, and the D-or-greater women who leave the house without support. (One can't hold a pencil, the other can carry a typewriter.) Never mind my personal reasons for why the lesser-chested should fly free, I just don't see why one should pay a bundle of money (and I'm told good bras aren't cheap) on something that serves little purpose beside, say, body armor and filling an arbitrary societal expection. But as for the women with huge boobs hanging down to their navels and off to their sides, wandering through the supermarket knocking cans off of shelves when they turn? Damn, get a steel-belted radial on those things! Think of other people! We don't wanna see two hippos wrestling under a torn tarpaulin! In the middle of this we have the folks who wear padding, to try to disguise the fact that they're of lesser amplitude. There's nothing wrong with small busts! Oddly a number of these people who have fluffed up their pillows wear low-cut shirts to display their newly-forged cleavage, and it doesn't take much work to see the puffy parts sticking out around the fringes... it's called a Wonder Bra because the guy wonders where everything went when his date takes it off. Honesty is the best policy, just live with what you've got and don't be deceptive.
   The title line of this entry comes from the song "Tits" by John Paragon (a.k.a. Paul Reubens, who later became Pee-Wee Herman) in an HBO special called Paragon of Comedy [possibly released on video as Uncensored]. "Boobs, I'm wild about boobs, like two Rubik's Cubes that I want to twiiist... I put them at the top of my shopping list." Tune in some other day, when the next body part I spend too much time on is exposed midriffs. Big or small, on either gender.