Tuesday, January 17, 2006
 

I must confess I am obsessed with the two protrusions on your chest...

My dream job   As a guy, I love breasts. Big, small, perky, droopy, young, old (okay, not too old... I prefer good taste to good grandma), they're all welcome in my eyes. They're like snowflakes, no two are alike, even on the same body. But for the love of Jah, don't mess with them. I realize some people have to validate their worth to themselves, or invent worth in others' minds, by having them inflated to 55psi. My saying "you're great just the way you are" doesn't mean much to most people, I've noticed. (Bless those who do think my opinion is worthwhile. Don't ever change.) Fakes annoy the hell out of me, be they false personalities or exagerated chesticles... overly augmented boobs remind me of that thing people say about the bit of handkerchief sticking out of a guy's suit pocket, "is that for show or for blow?" Really, if you're uncomfortable about your body, talk to someone with the dimensions you seek – the ladies with small busts want big ones, the ladies with too big ones naturally wish they were smaller. And then there's the whole matter of attention; the ladies with smaller busts (no matter how much attention they get, whether they realize it or not) wish they had more attention, while the women with big ones wish they had less gawking at them. There is no truth to the statement "Clothes make the man, but bust makes the woman." None. And to clarify something, I don't disparage on anyone who gets a reduction for health reasons (big breasts lead to bent backs) or any form of mastectomy to fight cancer (my sainted grandmother being one)... it's the folks who add, not subtract, that get my goat. And even stupider than additive body modification is the guys who crave women who have turned the air hose on their girls. Yes, you're shallow. There are enough women with big tits, real ones, real looking ones, that there's no justifiable excuse to have a preference for rediculously large rock-hard things which bulge in ways & places nature never intended.
   Now of course, as a guy, I don't have to carry the darn things around, so I can love 'em all I want... they're like children, they're great when they're someone else's and I can give them back to their owners when I've had my fill. And like children, ladies, you should love yours for who they are – and as the person in the above-left is trying to say, dress them properly. Neatness counts, aesthetics matter. That leads a peeve of mine: the women with A-or-less who always wear bras despite having nothing to hold up, and the D-or-greater women who leave the house without support. (One can't hold a pencil, the other can carry a typewriter.) Never mind my personal reasons for why the lesser-chested should fly free, I just don't see why one should pay a bundle of money (and I'm told good bras aren't cheap) on something that serves little purpose beside, say, body armor and filling an arbitrary societal expection. But as for the women with huge boobs hanging down to their navels and off to their sides, wandering through the supermarket knocking cans off of shelves when they turn? Damn, get a steel-belted radial on those things! Think of other people! We don't wanna see two hippos wrestling under a torn tarpaulin! In the middle of this we have the folks who wear padding, to try to disguise the fact that they're of lesser amplitude. There's nothing wrong with small busts! Oddly a number of these people who have fluffed up their pillows wear low-cut shirts to display their newly-forged cleavage, and it doesn't take much work to see the puffy parts sticking out around the fringes... it's called a Wonder Bra because the guy wonders where everything went when his date takes it off. Honesty is the best policy, just live with what you've got and don't be deceptive.
   The title line of this entry comes from the song "Tits" by John Paragon (a.k.a. Paul Reubens, who later became Pee-Wee Herman) in an HBO special called Paragon of Comedy [possibly released on video as Uncensored]. "Boobs, I'm wild about boobs, like two Rubik's Cubes that I want to twiiist... I put them at the top of my shopping list." Tune in some other day, when the next body part I spend too much time on is exposed midriffs. Big or small, on either gender.

Comments:
This is great! You are a brilliant and witty writer. Lula was upset just because you seemed insensitive to women's point of view. But you are obviously a very nice person.
 
I stopped by via Jamie Dawn. Great site; I'll get you blogrolled.
 
Tom/Icy: Thank you. Kindly refrain from using the L-word here, this is a classy joint. I'm sensitive to women's point of view, and viewing women's points. :)

Mike: Is that anything like how one gets money off a drunk? I hear it's fun.
 
Jamie Dawn Sent me. I'm not sure I believe that Paul Rubens is into it all that much.
 
Hmmm I picked an interesting day to stop by. JD sent me.
 
LOVE it!! You are in fine form today and very, very funny. My fav part:
"But as for the women with huge boobs hanging down to their navels and off to their sides, wandering through the supermarket knocking cans off of shelves when they turn? Damn, get a steel-belted radial on those things! Think of other people! We don't wanna see two hippos wrestling under a torn tarpaulin!"
I was laughing out loud.
My best friend has such big boobies that she has to buy what she calls Industrial bras. I can get by with the cheapies from Walmart. We laugh about how different we are in that dept, but neither of us considers surgery to alter ourselves. I'm grateful that mine won't be dragging the floor someday, and she makes sure hers are fully contained at all times.
 
Am I in the dark here?
Who is Lula?
 
This post made my day. It made me think of all the breasts I once adored. Maybe I will start writing poetry.
 
To all the boobs I've loved before...
The tits that have come in and out my door...
Altering my plans
Held them in my hands
To all the boobs I've loved before...


Jamie: Er, no one. :) Glad that you can empathize with my screed, and good to hear that your ample friend treats hers with respect. Walmart is evil, so you should tear that thing off right now. :-D
 
our societies, both the American and the European, must be the oddest ones of the world. on one hand you are said that inner beauty is the one that matters and you are pretty silly if think otherwise, on the other hand you are constantly suggested that looking good and young is the only thing that matters. I'm not at all surprised that so many women are looking for peace of mind on beauty clinics.
 
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