Monday, January 23, 2006
"Look at those two boobs... Heckle & Jeckle!" - Stanley Roper
Six years ago I was hanging around with some friends, and Michelle asked me privately who I thought had larger breasts, her or our friend Melissa. I told Melissa about that inquiry later when I was giving her a ride home, and she said she too wondered who I thought was bigger. The question in its duplicate form took me aback for several reasons. First, I didn't realize that women had that sort of envy thing going on like some guys at the urinal/in the locker room do. But women are human and have egos too, I suppose. Second, they were both in halter tops so there shouldn't have been much research required to answer the question, just a quick glance around the room. (Michelle was a full-figured C, Melissa was a conical B.) Third, when I asked for more empiracal data neither were willing to hang theirs out right then to eliminate further speculation, yet they both expressed curiosity. I had seen both of them topless at least once over the course of the summer, but not yet when the question was posed. Fourth, and most cloying, why were they asking me this question? I was flattered that my opinion was being requested and valued, and that my (dwindling) sense of vision and my mind's interpretation of spacial relations and dimension were being trusted. Neither were willing to actually present evidence and neither had any greater interest in me than being a buddy, so what point would there be in (pardon the pun) tittilation? Did they seek an honest judgement of size and aesthetics, or were they testing to see if they could get (pardon the pun again) a rise out of me? Possibly they mistook me as gay and thus would make a fair and unbiased judge, but they should have been aware that I wasn't [gay, I mean], I'd flirted with them both a few times. Oh well, no complaints, just curiosity what was on their minds beside competative/comparative body image.
I don't know if this thought qualifies as a stupidity, but it's ponderous nonetheless. Why is it that some of the most renowned experts on sex are people whom at first glance appear as though they could never get any themselves? Image links:
• Alfred Kinsey. Get jiggy with Eraserhead!
• Masters & Johnson. Sexless. Beside each other, of course.
• Ruth Westheimer. "A small Jewish woman that talks about oral sex, yet you know she doesn't eat pork." - Robin Williams
• Sue Johanson. Her I can picture as exciting, though. Potentially a grand-MILF!
• This guy at the left. Especially him. He'd flippin' croak! Picture sitting in his office and asking for sexual advice. Can you? Would you?
The February update to Laughter is the Spackle of the Soul has been posted, a week early as I prefer it to be, so there's some more stupidity to enjoy.
I guess if those people have parented children, then we know for sure, they've at least had a few tumbles under the sheets. Just imagining Dr. Ruth makes me laugh. Her voice alone would annoy to no end. I feel sorry for her hubby.
And coincidentally, I've noticed more ugly women with big busts than small, and more beautiful women with small busts than big. Tha nature of the beast/breast? :)
I don't feel sorry for Dr. Ruth's spouse, even if I don't envy what he gets to see/do. To be so knowledgeable and eager as she is, he probably gets all the "goot secks!" he can handle! Doubly so with Sue, I hope her man is 20 years her junior. :)
As for rears: that's a different post, and I've never heard of two women speaking enviously about each other's asses unless the person doing the talking has (what she considers) a big one. LOL!
The two that stuck with me were the cracked-faced boy and the old pic where the guy was trying to block out the neighbor's view How DARE they build a second story!
What if you organized an orgy and only invited these researchers?
What if there was a sexual revolution yet no one came?