Thursday, October 12, 2006

Cried me a river, trying to build a bridge, will get over it soon

mmm chewyHello, one and all. At this moment I'm celestially nauseous and kind of salty. The work network suddenly blocking Flickr could have something to do with it; what the hell am I supposed to do for eight hours a day? Beyond that, I might have received a bad Take 5 candy bar, or maybe (more likely) it's this cold that I woke up with this morning -- I know I didn't have it when I went to bed last night --doing lots of damage swiftly. I would not mind bowing out of work sick but at this moment, due to not-resolved-enough issues between my ears, I think staying on the phone is better therapy. Reality (or not) avoidance therapy, you know. So there's a bunch of stuff making me less than copacetic at the moment, some of which will pass. This is Starfish Week in the blog, so here's something to chew on. I could use last entry's thermometer right now.

Hmm, I don't seem to have anything particularly stupid other than my health and the various demotivations of my job. I turn 39 in one week, though I still look and act between 17 and 22. I have no idea where the time went but I'm pretty sure I was there for all of it. I may have even had fun part of that time, or could have had fun at other parts which are stuck in my "what if..." databank. I think one of those blog/email même things people should do is What 5 things would you take back if you could? Mine would be, in order of chronology not importance:

A sign of the times5) Early 1970's, age ~6: Would not have cut the wiring under the dash under my father's pickup. No idea why I did that, but I got my hide tanned.
4) Teenage years: Spent a few minutes feeling Terri's back and discovered she wasn't wearing a bra! Did not occur to me to feel the front, and she had the best pair in the entire school. Stupid, stupid!
3) Summer camp, 1983: I was engaged in this minutes-long soul-engaging embrace with Lynette on the last night, and Sandy came and stuck a letter saying "I think I love you" in my back pocket. What'd I do? Dropped everything to find Sandy. Those two lived in the same town so there could have been some rivalry. Life would have been very different had I chosen the fork I was already stepping toward.
2) Sporting event, 1985: Lit an M-80 at a rival school's front door, fuse went out when it got to the paper, attempted to light it again. I now believe in guardian angels because it didn't ever catch, and there was no way I could have avoided getting my hand and face blown off if it had. I still shudder at the thought!
1) A certain job a few years ago: I'd rather not go into clear detail because it sounds a hell of a lot worse than it actually was, but will summarize by saying that even when you think there's no one around for miles because you're in the middle of nowhere, it's a national holiday and a Sunday, and it's the middle of the night, you never know when someone will show up and have issues with what you're engaged in.

I don't regret much except the chances to do good I didn't take out of fear or ignorance... and the occasional instance where I was in the wrong by choice and had to pay the piper for it. It's all character-building, right? I have no plans of running for public office. :) Final thought, this ad which is a little bit too... intrusive for its subject matter. Bend over, car!

there's only one thing I'd do differently, I was 6 at the time, and I'm pretty sure that doing that one thing differently would have resulted into a bunch of different choices in my life, and I'd be a less frustrated person today. however, I wanted to make sure to make it to Audiogalaxy in 2002, and to make it here to Blogger a few years later. :-P
no, two things! I'd never start sucking on my thumb!
Ariel: Oh, don't tell us what that thing was, you tease! :) And there's no crime to sucking your thumb when you're a kid, that comes naturally. When you're 30-some and do it, well, uh... LOL
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