Sunday, July 15, 2007
intermezzo: Schoolyard Singalong - "Retardation"
[disclaimer: Heck no, this isn't going to be politically correct. Kids have no prejudices, meaning they will make fun of anyone and anything equally without any actual hate behind it. They're imitating their parents when they say certain words, never forget that. Do you remember a news story from a couple years ago where a teacher got in trouble for teaching his class the "Randolph, The Six-Gun Shooter" version of Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer every kid in America has sung for the last fifty years, because it contained the line "Randolph, with your guns so bright / Won't you shoot my wife tonight?" Hypocracy, the parents who complained learned and sang it too. If you're easily offended, skip this blog entry and ask yourself, "what did *I* sing on the playground? and is it right to be angry if my kids sing those things too?"]
---------- Retardation ----------
That's the game to play!
Take a pillow case
Wrap it around your face
Go to bed
Wake up dead
Take a rubber hose
Cram it up your nose
Turn it on
Snots are gone
Take a bowling ball
Roll it down the hall
Hit your dad
Make him mad
verse by Richard Brandt or his elder brothers or their peers:
Take a cheater
And a peter-eater
Put 'em together
Make a header
(I asked him once around 1978 what that verse meant, and he said he didn't know. He's still my friend and we still don't know.)
Tune in next time I do this, whenever that is, when kids do terrible things to songs by Terry Jacks and The Royal Scotsmen with the help of my best bud from the first three grades at Outlook, Brian Hargrove. I have no idea where he got 'em but the age of the original songs should imply the playground versions were inherited.
BTW: Tip of the keyboard to Indie for risking his readers' life and limb in this post by making me link number quatre in his Russian Roulette game. New visitors: This post is not typical of my style... see the previous recent posts, or go to the beginning and wade through a year and a half. Curiously the post I like most out of my entire blogging history on this site is my second. Pretty much everything I've written since then, ehh, kinda sucks. ;-)
(You KNOW I'm kidding.)
We used to say those books and authors such as:
Yellow River by I.P. Freely
Under the Bleachers by Seymour Butts
Revenge of the Wildcat by Claude Balls
I STILL love those!!!!
"Miles & Miles of Little Brown Piles"
-- Scott N. Runn
-- Miltie Paul O'Gasm
Guess what my first words were.
In front of my arch-conservative aunt.
I do remember hearing a lot of very dirty jokes before I entered middle school.
Was super hilarious the time that my friend's 4 year old brother shouted out to the family dog, "Quit your bitchin' and moanin'!" His Mormon parents were rather shocked, but they couldn't feign not knowing where the tot learned that. (You and * are being cautious what you say around Nemo, right?)
And I think some of the best dirty jokes I ever heard or told were in the fourth through sixth grades.
She was driving and had someone cut her off. She said something she ought not to have.
For several minutes after, he enthusiastically repeated "Mommy f!@# car! Mommy f!@# car!"
Mental image of your wife (or anyone, really) doing that... Well, guys always consider their cars to be an extention of their manhood, eh?
I worked with a girl who had some speech problem as a tot, pronouncing "tr" as "f". You can guess what this precious little waif sounded like when a truck would pass by.